# My Dad is gone



## dragonlair (Mar 24, 2009)

My dad is gone. His body is still with us but the person who made him Ray is gone. He just sits and talks or mutters or sings. Doesn't recognize anyone. I'll never get to talk to him or hear his jokes again. Whatever this is came on suddenly, 1 minute he was ok, 5 minutes later he wasn't. Tests show nothing. He was in early stages of Alzheimers, but was still with us until last week.

Please, everyone, as you get older and start to lose your hearing...GET A HEARING AID. My dad was too proud too. I would call and he would immediately turn the phone over to my mother, so I never got to talk to him, because he couldn't hear what I was saying. He finally got fitted for hearing aids the week before all this happened. They came in the day after all this happened. Now that he could hear me, he doesn't even know what a phone is, never mind who I am. 
Ray never understood my life style or my choices, but he always supported me. He never said "I love you" but I know he did. And even though he didn't understand, he was proud of me.

Oh, God, I want Papa Ray back.


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## swgoats (May 21, 2010)

Aw Sully, I'm sorry to hear that. We've been dealing with dementia and Alzheimer's in grandparents. It is tough.  I do believe they hear us on some level, but it's not the same... It does feel like they are already gone.

I agree on the hearing aids, and reading glasses - good grief, I hate when you want to show something to someone, and they don't want to bother with reading glasses to see it. As a life time contact/glasses wearer, I just don't get giving up on experiencing life like that.


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## DGI (Feb 20, 2013)

I'm really sorry to hear that. I went through it with my Grandmother and it was very hard.


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## hsmomof4 (Oct 31, 2008)

So sorry, Sully.


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## Ashley (Oct 25, 2007)

I'm so sorry


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## todog (Dec 10, 2011)

oh Sully, i am so sorry. i dont even have words to say that would ease your pain. sorry!


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## buckrun (Mar 7, 2008)

That is sad Sully. It is happening to a lot of us now that our parents are so aged. 
I think it must be harder for it to happen so suddenly than to have the leading events over time before real dementia. 
Take good care Sully!
Lee


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## Caprine Beings (Sep 19, 2008)

This is a hard thing to deal with. I wish I had some magical formula to dealing with lifes trials such as these. I have none...alas...so I can give my shoulder when ever you need one. May you come to terms with what is going on, although it will not be easy. HUGS Sully.
Tam


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## tendermeadowsnigerians (Sep 8, 2010)

So sorry the hear. Same thing happened with my grandfather he was great for Christmas and by New Years eve he had no idea who we were or why we were there.


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## Bella Star (Oct 27, 2007)

Oh Sully, I truly understand as I went last Tuesday to see my mom that has Alzheimers and she didn't know who I was,I cried and it was a great shock to me even tho my brother had told me,it was still a shock. Once the anchor in my family and now so frail in body and mind. So very sad . There is new medication tho and they do go in and out with dementia , so ask the Dr. about what might help your dad get part of his life back.
I pray for this horrible Alzheimers stuff and I wish you and your Dad the best.
bella/linda


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## Drycreek goats (Sep 8, 2009)

So Sorry same thing happen with my mom.In a months time she just changed from strokes.I just kept talking to her like always and she was always happy to see all the way to the end.Hugs!!!


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## doublebowgoats (Mar 6, 2008)

I'm sorry, Sully. It hurts to see our parents suffer. With my mom, who has COPD, it seems like it takes all her energy just to function physically and there is not much energy left for the great talks we used to have. I do feel like I miss her even though she is still here.


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## lorit (May 10, 2010)

So very sorry Sully - praying for some clarity for him and comfort for you.


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## Greylady (Mar 28, 2012)

{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}


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## Horsehair Braider (Mar 11, 2011)

I'm sorry. How very tragic. 

We are dealing with a family member with Alzheimer's. We are learning the heartbreak day by day. Hugs to you and your family.


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## dragonlair (Mar 24, 2009)

Thank you everyone.


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## jasonmtapia (Apr 3, 2010)

I don't know you so I don't feel entitled to say anything, but I can't help it. That is so sad. Even though I don't know you I feel I need to say I am sorry.


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## MF-Alpines (Mar 29, 2010)

So sorry, Sully. While I am not dealing with Alzheimers with my Dad, I know the feeling of losing a loved one. I just had to make an emergency trip back to Massachusetts because my Dad is at the end of his days. It has been so hard to see him deteriorate over the years. He was once a strong dairy farmer and now he is a very weak man. I'm not sure how long he has left, but as bad as this may sound, we are praying it is soon.


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## dragonlair (Mar 24, 2009)

Oh, Cindy, I am sorry for you and your family too. Wow, this getting older really stinks because my parents are getting even older. sigh.


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## informative (Aug 24, 2012)

I am sorry for your loss. I would make a point to share with everyone that we had an elderly person in our family which had been diagnosed with advanced dementia and then they got sick and were given a large dose of IV antibiotics and snapped back to lucid for a good while. We lost them shortly afterward anyway but it was nice to have those last few conversations. 

These infections especially sepsis are often undiagnosed and go untreated and infections can leave people confused, dizzy and unresponsive to conversation. I've never heard of alzheimers being misdiagnosed like this but it seems similar in the overall symptoms to more advanced dementia. What makes it worse is I find hospitals don't try to seek fixes for the elderly simply because they write people off as "oh they're just old" - with my grandmother we had one doctor discuss her inability to walk in terms of well we could take a more aggressive approach to rehabilitating her walking ability but if "all she really needs to do is get up to wash dishes" I swear a modern medical doctor actually spoke those words. Don't ever underestimate the cold stupidity of the modern medical professionals.


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## dragonlair (Mar 24, 2009)

I had my mom have the docs take my dad off of the heart rate medication and the statin he was on. Guess what? He's back!!!! I know it's not forever, but he just came home from the nursing home and is as close to normal as he has been in a long while. In fact, he is acting much stronger and better mentally now!!!!!!!

He is also wearing his hearing aid! :biggrin


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## swgoats (May 21, 2010)

That's great!


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## doublebowgoats (Mar 6, 2008)

That is amazing. So happy for you to spend some time with your dad with him being like himself again.


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## Horsehair Braider (Mar 11, 2011)

How incredible... I am so happy for you and your family, and I am glad to hear he is wearing that hearing aid!


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## adillenal (Feb 6, 2009)

That is great news. I have read articles about statins actually being the casue of those types of problems.


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## informative (Aug 24, 2012)

Congrats on your good development - when it comes to pharmaceuticals, I've always held to the belief that less is more.

Doctors today will turn people into long term cash producing science experiments every chance they get.


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## Horsehair Braider (Mar 11, 2011)

informative said:


> Congrats on your good development - when it comes to pharmaceuticals, I've always held to the belief that less is more.
> 
> Doctors today will turn people into long term cash producing science experiments every chance they get.


I apologize for being off topic here, and I realize this is a real popular point of view, but in fact... my DH works in the ER and it is often the case that the *patient* will insist on getting some drug or other, and the doctors and staff try very hard to talk them out of it. People will come in with say, a cold (caused by a virus) and will insist on getting antibiotics (which are useless against a virus) and will actually complain to management and write everyone up if they don't get the drugs they are demanding. At our hospital, at least, the doctors and staff are trying real hard to keep people OUT of the hospital.

Sometimes too people will keep changing doctors, and getting prescriptions for drug after drug, without the other doctor realizing what others have prescribed, until they are truly toxic from just too darn much... again, at our hospital, the doctors try real hard to find out what all the medications are so they can recommend that they drop as many as possible.

I am sure that NONE of this is the case with the OP. It's just that people keep saying stuff like, "Doctors are trying to make us sick", when I know a bunch of them and they are actually shaking their heads in despair because people come in demanding to be put on medications they don't need.

Again I apologize for being off topic, and I realize this has nothing to do with the OP. I'll be quiet now.


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## informative (Aug 24, 2012)

I also apologize very much to the group for responding to -off topic- but different people have different experiences. I've been told by doctors that my grandmother was not worth the effort to get her walking again because she was only going to need the legs to "do dishes at her age" (80) - I've seen doctors prescribe a 14th medication for my mother who already had 13 daily meds. I've seen doctors prescribe long term pain meds for people when everyone knows this is almost never a good idea. I've seen doctors tell us my mother-in-law did not require antibiotics because her diagnosis was dementia and when we finally got her on antibiotics magically her dementia cleared right up. False lab reports - false positives on cancer tests - magical cures for people who in all likelihood never had real cancer in the first place, wrong medications and pain killers to cover the symptoms of suffering because they are on the wrong meds... Did you know our government experimented on troops with LSD (acid) as a test drug back in the 1960s and 1970s? So yeah please don't even try tell me doctors don't "experiment" on patients. Not second hand but real failures experienced first hand by my family at the hands of our medical "experts".. 

So yeah everyone has an opinion on the current state of medical care in America but for the most part it is a priority of pharmaceutical witch-doctory and money making over the interests of patients. 

Again back on topic - I am delighted for your wonderful development in your case and may future blessings be yours.


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## Dee Kennerly (Apr 7, 2010)

Ray, You can't paint everyone with the same brush.


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## swgoats (May 21, 2010)

I do agree that less is more - no matter who is pushing for the drugs. I've seen the truth in that many times. We've always worked to keep my special needs child on as few drugs as possible, and thankfully we have a doctor who agrees with that philosophy. But the right drug at the right time can be life changing too.


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## Laverne (Apr 4, 2010)

Sully, I'm so happy for you and your family that your dad is doing so good now.


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## dragonlair (Mar 24, 2009)

I've had bad experiences with doctors, as have my family. My 90 yo grandmother died because her doc had to operate on her eyes (non-life threatening issue) and that generation would never go against the doctors. My other grandmother died of liver cancer because her doctor insisted on treating her for hepatitis. I spend 12 years in a cast and on crustches (age 6 to18) because they decided they didn't know what was wrong with me, kept my leg immobilized and operated on it several times. Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis was mentioned as a cause, but the treatment was anything but what it should have been. So....my leg is permanently damaged because of them. I could go on and on about doctors and me and my family. I don't trust them (and I work at a hospital! hehehe) One of the ER docs ordered a pregnancy test on an 85 year old woman!

However, my dad has 3 docs, the primany, the cardiologist and the neurologist who communicate. They each know what meds he is on. One of the hospitalists was horrible and was already to just let him die, swearing he had cancer (he does not. Haven't a clue where that even came from). They even just let him sit in bed for the entire time he was in the hospital!

But, he is as good as he will ever be right now. He is doing his daily laps around the deck, has PT and such and is on very few prescription meds now. I'm going down Wednesday to visit.


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## Nuttynanny (May 22, 2013)

Having worked in long term care and with the elderly, please acompany your parents to their doctors visits. Ask a lot of question and please ask your parent how they want to live and die and then respect their wishes. I have see doctors fail to treat broken bones because of the patients DNR, and families demand antibioics for a colonize bladder infection. Each family and patient must decide what is best, and always ask question if you don't understand.


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